Vicevi

[Pape]

Muz i Zena

Profesor matematike salje faks zeni. Pise:
- "Draga zeno: sigurno shvacas da su ti 54 godine, ja imam odredene potrebe koje ti jednostavno vise ne mozes kvalitetno i u potpunosti zadovoljiti. Sa svake druge strane gledano nas brak je skladan, zadovoljan sam sa tobom kao zenom i doista se iskreno nadam da te ovaj faks nece previse povrijediti ili uzrujati. Nakon posla idem do motela sa svojom 18 godisnjom asistenticom ali biti cu kuci prije ponoci - tvoj muz."
Kada je stigao do motela na recepciji ga je cekao pristigao faks od zene:
- "Dragi muzu i ti imas 54 godine, a u trenutku kada budes citao ove redove ja cu biti u drugom motelu sa 18 godisnjim konobarem iz obliznjeg bara, a buduci da si genijalan matematicar sigurno ti nece biti tesko za shvatiti da 18 u 54 ide puno vise puta nego 54 u 18, nemoj me cekati - tvoja zena,"

Prljave Stvari

Par vodi ljubav. Ona pocinje da stenje:
- "Da, da, jače, govori mi prljave stvari!"
On:
- "Kuhinja, kupatilo, soba..."

Pijana Komsinca

Zovnem komsinicu na kafu, uz kafu ponudim joj casicu rakije, ona popije. Ponudim joj jos jednu, ona kaze:
- "Nemoj komsija molim te, ako popijem dve mozes me jebati a necu znati nista za sebe."
Ipak ponudio sam joj drugu, popila je. I trecu za svaki slucaj, natjerao sam je...

[Centarfor9]

Dude these jokes are too dirty for SFN. Take this to the Away From Soccer Forum.

[Bosanac]

Dude these jokes are too dirty for SFN. Take this to the Away From Soccer Forum.


No man, it's okay. They're Bosnian anyway, and it's Bosnian humor. It'd be weird if it wasn't dirty. :)


Evo i od mene nekoliko,

Sretne Crvenkapa u sumi vuka, i zapita ga:
-Vuce, vuce, zasto imas tolike oci?
Tek ce vuk:
-Bjezi, mala, vidis da serem!



Covjek na smrti kaze Doktoru:
-Napisite da sam umro od SIDE!
-Zasto?
-Tako mi niko nece jebati zenu, a oni koji su je vec jebali umrece od straha!


Jedu Mujo i Fata skembe, Fata se isprska po haljini i kaze:
-Juuu, izgledam ko svinja!
Mujo je pogleda i kaze:
-A jos si se isflekala!

[Saraj Fanático]

No man, it's okay. They're Bosnian anyway, and it's Bosnian humor. It'd be weird if it wasn't dirty. :)


Evo i od mene nekoliko,

Sretne Crvenkapa u sumi vuka, i zapita ga:
-Vuce, vuce, zasto imas tolike oci?
Tek ce vuk:
-Bjezi, mala, vidis da serem!



Covjek na smrti kaze Doktoru:
-Napisite da sam umro od SIDE!
-Zasto?
-Tako mi niko nece jebati zenu, a oni koji su je vec jebali umrece od straha!


Jedu Mujo i Fata skembe, Fata se isprska po haljini i kaze:
-Juuu, izgledam ko svinja!
Mujo je pogleda i kaze:
-A jos si se isflekala!


Hahhahahahah those are preety sweet.

[Pape]

hahaha onaj sa doktorom je naj bolji

[Cevap]

Dodje Suljo Muji i kaze mu najozbiljnije

"Mujo, ja mislim da sam gej."
"Ti gej???...."
"Ja Mujo, ja sam gej."
"Ajde da te nesto onda pitam moj Suljo..."
"Pitaj pitaj jarane"
"Reci mi Suljo...Vozis li ti Ferrari?"
"Ne vozim..." odgovori mu Suljo, zbunjen.
"Ne vozis jeli.... Onda, imas li ti stan u Monacu"
"Nemam...." opet zbunjeno mu odgovori Suljo.
"Nemas ha?... Onda Suljo, igras li ti golf?"
"Neigram brate, gdje cu igrati ja golf..." Odgovori Suljo koji vise nista nerazumje.

Mujo, ljutito mu ko iz topa odgovori :
"Suljo...ti nisi gej.... ti si obicna PEDERCINA!!!"

[Pape]

Dodje Suljo Muji i kaze mu najozbiljnije

"Mujo, ja mislim da sam gej."
"Ti gej???...."
"Ja Mujo, ja sam gej."
"Ajde da te nesto onda pitam moj Suljo..."
"Pitaj pitaj jarane"
"Reci mi Suljo...Vozis li ti Ferrari?"
"Ne vozim..." odgovori mu Suljo, zbunjen.
"Ne vozis jeli.... Onda, imas li ti stan u Monacu"
"Nemam...." opet zbunjeno mu odgovori Suljo.
"Nemas ha?... Onda Suljo, igras li ti golf?"
"Neigram brate, gdje cu igrati ja golf..." Odgovori Suljo koji vise nista nerazumje.

Mujo, ljutito mu ko iz topa odgovori :
"Suljo...ti nisi gej.... ti si obicna PEDERCINA!!!"

hahaha here is the Mujo i Haso version of that in video form
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B_HJU2w7Ea4

[Saraj Fanático]

HHAHAHAHA! Classic Thread Fusion.

[Pape]

We need to get a laugh out of this place sometimes :lol:

[c3nar1us]

Kako crnogorac drka?
Zabije kitu u zemlju u ceka zemljotres :)

[Bosanac]

Ziku ovo,


Dosao Pirocanac na benzisku pumpu, i kaze:

-Sipaj mi 2 litre benzina i 1 kap ulja..
A prodavac ce njemu:
-Hoces i da ti prdnem u gume?

[Saraj Fanático]

Oh ma these jokes are great. Cant get enough of them.

[Pape]

-Kako crnac dobije kurac od 30cm?
-Savije ga u pola!

[Saraj Fanático]

^^^^ Llllllllllllllloooooooooooooollllllllllll!

[Cevap]

Mujo je bio danima u depresiji, takvoj depresiji da su mu u glavi
odzvanjala dva glasa..
Prvi glas je bio opusten i tjesio ga je:
"Mujo, nemas razloga za depresiju i ovakvu bezvoljnost, to je bio
samo seks bez emocija. Nisi ti ni prvi ni posljednji lijecnik koji je
"opalio" svoju pacijenticu. Uostalom, nemas stalnu vezu pa ne mozes reci kako si nekog prevario...
Uostalom, svi lijecnici to rade, to je danas normalno...
Opusti se covjece, ti slucajevi "za jednu noc", danas su potpuno
uobicajeni..."
A drugi glas ga je podsjecao:

"Mujo, ti si veterinar..."



Kakve boje su oči moje sestre? - pita sin majku.
- Plave, sine.
- E nije, nego crvene! - reče dečko pokazujući oba oka u ruci.



Došli božićni praznici. Roditelji sinu i ćerkici kupili poklone i stavili ih pod jelku. Dolazi sin i uzima jedan paket.
- To je za sestru - kaže mu mama.
- Dobro, uzeću ovaj - kaže dečko.
- I taj je za sestru.
- A ovaj...
- I taj...
- Pa koji je moj...
- Onaj mali...

I tako brat je sjedio na stolici, igrao se sa svojom igračkicom, jo-joom, i gledao sestru kako se zabavlja...
- Ti nemaš ovoliko igračaka kao jaaaaaa - podjebavala ga je sestra.
- Jebiga, neko ima jo-jo, a neko leukemiju..



Ovu ce te skontat samo ako znate stereotipe o Bosancima.

Dosla obitelj iz BiH na ljetovanje u Hrvatsku. Setajuci tako obalom dodju pred jednu od plaza (1000 mjesta), kapija, vrata a na vratima natpis:
Ulaz:
- Slovenci 15 kn
- BiH 10 kn
- Srbi 10 kn
- Crnogorci 10 kn
- Makedonci 8 kn
- Albanci 7 kn
- Cigani 1 kn

- "Molim 4 karte za Bosance", rece vodja puta.
A ovaj na ulazu ce:
- "Vi ste jedini od kada smo otvorili plazu prije mjesec dana a da niste Cigani!"



Dolazi Mujo kuci i pita Fatu: "Fato, gdje su djeca?"
Fata: "Na engleskom."
Mujo: "OK, where are the children?"


Došao tip sa čarapom na glavi opljačkati banku. Prijeti djevojci sa pištoljem i kaže:
"Otvaraj sef!" A ona će: "Pa vi ste pogriješili!"
On:"Ništa te nisam pitao, otvaraj!" Otvara ona sef i opet kaže:
"Ali vi ste pogriješili."
On: "Čuješ šta ti kažem, otvaraj sef i šuti."
Otvori ona sef, kad ono banka sperme:
On: "E, vidiš sad onu najveću bocu tamo?"
Ona: "Da, vidim!"
On: Uzmi je i popij!"
Ona gleda, ništa joj nije jasno, iz straha uzme i popije cijelu bocu sperme.
On skidajući čarapu sa glave kaže:
"Eto vidiš Zorice da možeš, samo nećeš!!!!!"

[Bosanac]

Mujo je bio danima u depresiji, takvoj depresiji da su mu u glavi
odzvanjala dva glasa..
Prvi glas je bio opusten i tjesio ga je:
"Mujo, nemas razloga za depresiju i ovakvu bezvoljnost, to je bio
samo seks bez emocija. Nisi ti ni prvi ni posljednji lijecnik koji je
"opalio" svoju pacijenticu. Uostalom, nemas stalnu vezu pa ne mozes reci kako si nekog prevario...
Uostalom, svi lijecnici to rade, to je danas normalno...
Opusti se covjece, ti slucajevi "za jednu noc", danas su potpuno
uobicajeni..."
A drugi glas ga je podsjecao:

"Mujo, ti si veterinar..."



Haha.. Ooo ta je dobra!

[Cevap]

Mujo i Suljo u lovu uhvate zlatnu gusku,
koja zavapi da ce im, ako je puste, dati po zlatno jaje.
"Sto ce nam to?", upita Mujo.
"Zamislite zelju, razbijete jaje i zelja se ostvari."
Sloze se, puste gusku i odu svaki svojoj kuci sa zlatnim jajetom.
Dodje Mujo kuci i razgleda.
Zamisli: "Da mi je najljepsu zenu na svijetu,
love do krova,
da sam glavna faca u svemu!"
Razbije jaje i puf! ... ostvari mu se zelja.
Malo poslije toga,
sjedi Mujo u dvoristu svoje nove vile,
kad utrcava Suljo i vice:
"Pomazi Mujo!!!!!",
a za njim sto muskaraca.
"Sta je bilo?"
"Ma, sjedim ja kuci i drzim ono jaje.
Kontam, sto mi nekih ku.aca fali i
ISPADE MI JAJE I RAZBI SE!!!"

[Ero]

Zenio Hercegovac sina. Sin mlad, neuk, nema pojma. Nista ne brini - kaze stari - ja cu te svemu pouciti kada dodje vrijeme! Kada dodje vrijeme mladenci se povuku u sobu a stari se prisulja vratima.
Tata sto da radim!
Ljubi je!
Jesam, sto dalje?
Svuci je!
Jesam, sto dalje?
Sad je polozi u krevet!
Jesam, sto dalje?
Sada joj stavi medju noge ono sto imamo ti i ja!
Jel' mobitel?

:Pound:

[Bosanac]

Slusajte ovo, ovaj je zakon!


Polazu Mujo i Haso fiziku na Fakultetu.
Prvi na usmeni ulazi Mujo i profesor mu daje zadatak.
-Recimo, Mujo, da putujes vozom i toplo ti je u kupeu. Sta ces da uradis?
-Pa, otvorim prozor.
-E, odlicno. Prozor ima povrsinu 1.5 m2, kupe ima zapreminu 12 m3, a voz juri 80 km/h prema zapadu, duva juzni vijetar 5 m/s. Za koliko ce se izvetriti kupe?
Mujo, naravno, nema pojma i padne na ispitu. Izlazi iz kabineta i isprica Hasi sta je bilo. Sledeci ulazi Haso i profesor opet zapocinje pricu.
-Recimo, Haso, da putujes vozom i toplo ti je u kupeu. Sta ces da uradis?
-Skinem sako.
-Jako je toplo!
-Skinem dzemper i kosulju!
-Strasna vrucina i jos ti je toplo!
-Skidam pantalone i carape!
Iznerviran profesor pocne da besni.
-I sta mislis preko puta tebe sjedi crnac kojem pocinje da se dize dok se ti skidas. Sta onda?
-MA MOZE ME JEBATI CIJELI KUPE ALI JA PROZORA NE OTVARAM!

[Cevap]

Takmice se Indijac,Amerikanac,Bosanac cija je vjera jaca.
Odluce da svaki skoci sa zgrade da bi to dokazali.
Indijac zapali svijecu,poce da se moli i skoci sa zgrade.
2 metra prije udara rece:"Buda,Buda,Buda..." uspori pad,okrenu se na noge i stade na zemlju.
Sljedeci skace Amerikanac,rece:"Cheesus Christ,please help me God",skoci i razbi se ko palacinka
Dodje red na Bosanca,rece:"Allahu dragi,pomozi mi molim te u ovom teskom trenutku,pomozi mi da dokazem da je moja vjera najaca".
Prouci Bismilu i skoci.
Pada Bosnjo,uci u letu,10 m od zemlje,uci sve brze,5m, 2m kad Bosnjo:"Buda,Buda,Buda..."




Javili zeni da joj je sin poginuo na ratistu. Ona brze bolje ode na ratiste
kako bi ga poslednji put videla. Dolazi ona tako i pita dezurnog oficira
gde moze da vidi ostatke sina.
- Na to ce ovaj:"Pa vidite, imamo jedan problem. Vas sin nema ruku".
- Na to ce zena:" Nema veze hocu da ga vidim".
- Na to ce oficir:" Ali vas sin nema ni drugu ruku".
- Zena ostaje uporna:"Ma nema veze hocu da ga vidim".
- "Ali vas sin nema nogu",odgovara oficir.
- Zena je i dalje uporna:" Ma kazem vam covece hocu da ga vidim".
- "Ali vas sin nema ni drugu nogu", opet odgovara oficir.
- Zena posto je izgubila strpljenje pita oficira:"Pa sta ima onda".
- A oficir ce na to:"Pa, evo nema nista zajebavamo se, malo je hladno ali
sta je tu je".

[Cevap]

nije nesto...ali rjesava mnoge dileme!!

Mnogi ljudi i danas kada pisu brojku 7 stavljaju crticu u donji dio
broja.
Ta crtica u teoriji ne postoji, ne moze se naci ni na tastaruri, ni na
kalkulatoru....No znate li odakle dolazi ta navika? Ona, je naime
nastala
jos davno u doba kada se Mojsije popeo na planinu da bi zapisao 10
zapovijedi...
I kad je dosao do sedme zapovijedi rece mu Bog: " Ne pozeli zenu
bliznjega
svoga"
Nakon mukle tisine narod povice: " Precrtaj 7 !!!!!!!"



Idu dva pedofila ulicom i vide djevojcicu od 5 godina kako prolazi pored

njih
i govori jedan:

- "Vidi male kako je DOBRA!"

Kaze ovaj drugi:

- "Ma
nista je ovo kakva je prije bila."

[Cevap]

Razgovaraju dva programera:
- Jučer sam u noćnom klubu upoznao prekrasnu plavušu.
- Uh!
- Predložio sam joj da odemo do mene na kavu i ona je pristala.
- Uuh!
- Čim smo ušli u stan zavapila je: "Skini me!"
- Uuuuh!
- Skinuo sam sve s nje, na kraju i gaćice i stavio je onako potpuno golu na radni stol, do PC-a!
- A, imaš komp kod kuće? Koji procesor?

Razgovaraju dvije plavuše:
- Jučer sam u noćnom klubu upoznala pravog programera.
- Uh!
- Predložio mi je da odemo do njega na kavu i ja sam pristala.
- Uuh!
- Čim smo usli u stan krenuo me skidati!
- Uuuuh!
- Skinuo je sve s mene, a na kraju i gaćice i stavio me onako potpuno golu na radni stol, do PC-a!
- Ti nosiš gaćice?!



Dodje Mujo kuci i sa vrata saopstava zeni novost:
• Fato, jesi li cula za novi zakon? Zena koja rodi cetvoro dobija
penziju!
• Sta kazes, penziju? A mi samo troje imamo!
• Jasta, bona, kasno je da pravimo cetvrto. Nego, imam ja vanbracnog
sina. Hoces da ga dovedem, pa bi nam bilo cetvrto.
• Idi dovedi! - pristane Fata.
Ode Mujo i uskoro dovede svog sina ali kod kuce zatekne samo Fatu.
• Bona, Fato, dje su dijeca?
• Dosli ljudi i odveli svoje!



SECE BAKICA GROBLJEM I SRETNE GROBARA :
"OPROSTITE, MOZETE MI RECI GDJE JE GROB 64 ? "
ODGOVARA JOJ GROBAR:
"KOJI KURAC IZLAZIS KAD SE NEZNAS VRATITI !"

[Centarfor9]

Did you hear these?

BH reprezentacija
U Sarajevu igraju reprezentacije BIH i Brazila, Ronaldinho puca slobodni udarac, a cijela bosanska reprezentacija okrenu mu leđa. Dođe sudac do kapetana domaćih i kaže:
- "Kako vas nije sram okrenuti leđa gostima?"
Na to će ovaj:
- "Pa što, i mi hoćemo vidjeti gol."

Svijet i Bosna
- Zašto ima puno bosanaca po svijetu?

- Zato jer odu van i ne znaju više kako da se vrate.

Bosna vs. Kina
Igrali Bosna i Kina kad ce bosanski navijaci:
- "Malo vas je, malo vas je, pi-cki-ce!"

Zeljo
Pitali nekog malog u Sarajevu za koji tim navija a on rece:
- "Za Sarajevo."
A od velikih evropskih timova???
- "Za Zelju!"


10 K - Legend

[Centarfor9]

Bosanski poslovni rijecnik:

U svijetu se kaze : Dragi kolega dugo se nismo vidjeli

U Bosni se kaze: Sta ima picka ti materina

U Svijetu se kaze :Gospodin je obrazovan

U Bosni se kaze: On je moj najboljih kolega

U Svijetu se kaze :Izvini malo sam te duze cekao

U Bosni se kaze: Pa gdje si ti ,jebo te

U Svijetu se kaze: Mislim da niste sagledali sve aspekte ugovora

U Bosni se kaze: Jebem te corava

U Svijetu se kaze: Mora da se salite

U Bosni se kaze : Seres

U Svijetu se kaze: Informacija koju imate ne odgovara cinjenicnome stanju

U Bosni se kaze: Jedi govna

U Svijetu se kaze: Dobar tek / Prijatno

U Bosni se kaze : Disi malo

U Svijetu se kaze : Vasa sekretarica je vrlo simpaticna

U Bosni se kaze: Jebes li ti ovo

U svijetu se kaze : Koju funkciju gospodin ima u Firmi

U Bosni se kaze : Koji je on kurac

U Svijetu se kaze :Smatram da njegovo misljenje netreba uvaziti

U Bosni se kaze : Ma ko ga jebe

U Svijetu se kaze: Ovaj projekat je lako ostvarljiv

U Bosni se kaze : Ma to je pickin dim

U svijetu se kaze : Izvinite

U bosni se kaze: Jebi ga

U svijetu se kaze : On nema puno utjecaja

U Bosni se kaze : Ma moze mi ga popusiti

U Svijetu se kaze : Necu

U Bosni se kaze: Hocu Kurac

U Svijetu se kaze : Zasto odbijate daljnju suradnju

U Bosni se kaze: Koji ti je kurac

U svijetu se kaze : nebih se slozio sa vama

U Bosni se kaze: Jebes ti tu pricu

U svijetu se kaze : On je nizak

U Bosni se kaze : On je vertikalno hendikepiran

:lol:

[Sema]

A man is walking through Central Park in New York.

And he sees a young girl getting attacked by a dog.

So he grabs the nearest branch, runs at the dog and beats it to death.

Just then a reporter comes up to the man and asks if he can put
him in the paper.

The man says sure, and the reporter writes up a headline.

"Brave New Yorker saves young girl from vicious dog"

But the man says, Sir, I am not a New Yorker.

So the reporter writes up another headline.

"Courageous American saves innocent girl from attacking dog"

But the man says, Sir, I am not an American.

So the reporter says...."Well, what the hell are you?"

Im Arab the man said.

The next day the headline was.....

"Arab terrorist beats innocent American dog to death"

[Centarfor9]

^ :lol: Sema that's a good1

[Pape]

I didn't write these but they are very good!

Kresnula se plavuša sa tipom. Posle seksa uplašeno upita tipa:
• Jao! Jesi li koristio kurton?
• Nisam!
• A je l' imaš sidu?
• Nemam!
• Uh, dobro je, da ne dobijem opet.


Prvačić pita tatu:
• Tata, kako sam je došao na svet?
• Pa, sine, donela te roda!
• E, jebi ga, tata, i ti svašta jebeš!


Šta radi cigo za komputerom?
Pretura po Recycle Bin-u!


Mjenjo Haso doktora jednom jer je ovaj imo seminar. Dodje Hasi prvi pacijent kaze da ga boli stomak on njemu da lijek. Dodje drugi pacijent jaze boli ga glava on njemu da lijek. Dodje treci pacijent kaze
- "Doktore nisam vidio picke mjesec dana", i on njemu da lijek.
Kad je doso doktor sa seminara pita Hasu kako je bilo.
Haso:
- "Prvi doso kaze boli ga stomak ja njemu dam paracitamol."
- "Drugi doso kaze boli ga glava, ja njemu dam kafetin."
- "Treci doso i kaze nije vidio picke mjesec dana".
Doktor:
- "Pa sta si ti uradio"?
Haso:
- "Dao mu kapi za oci."

[Ero]

Šta radi cigo za komputerom?
Pretura po Recycle Bin-u!

:Pound:

[Centarfor9]

:lol: Nice jokes marko


NE UČITE ENGLESKI BUKVALNO!

Mnogo sam se sekirao - I AXED MY SELF VERY MUCH.
Pricam sam sa sobom - I'M TALKING ALONE WITH THE ROOM.
Racunaj na mene - CALCULATE ON ME.
Cekanje u redu za hljeb - WAITING ALL RIGHT FOR BREAD.
Ko te sljivi - WHO PLUMS YOU.
Ko te sisa - WHO CUTS YOUR HAIR.
Nosi se - CARRY YOURSELF.
Tekuca pitanja - LIQUID QUESTIONS.
Od malih nogu - SINCE THE LITTLE LEGS.
Malo prije - SMALL BEFORE.
More bre - SEA, BROTHER.
Voditi racuna - TO LEAD THE BILL.
Samoubica - ONLY KILLER
Napet sam - I'M ON FIVE.
Hajde da igramo karte - LET'S PLAY TICKETS.
Dijelim vase misljenje - I DIVIDE YOUR OPINION.
On je svjetla tacka - HE IS A BRIGHT FULL STOP.
Spetljao se s njom - HE LOOPED HIMSELF WITH HER.
Zelim da se naslonim na tebe - I WISH TO ELEPHANT ON YOU.
Sta ti pada na pamet - WHAT IS FALLING ON YOUR BRAIN.
Pucali smo od smijeha - WE WERE SHOOTING FROM LAUGHTER.
Pijan je ko majka - HE IS DRUNK AS A MOTHER.
On je velika marka - HE IS A BIG STAMP.
Iz cista mira - OUT OF CLEAN PEACE.
Fotokopije - FOTO-WHO-DRINKS.
Upala misica - THE INFALL OF A LITTLE MOUSE.
Supruga - ARE-RAILWAY.
Blago tebi - TREASURE TO YOU.
Veni, vidi, vici - FADE, SEE, JOKES.
Sve, sto je izgubljeno, moze se povratiti - EVERYTHING THAT IS LOST CAN BE THROWN UP.
Pop-pjevac - PRIEST-SINGER.
Sve je gore i gore - EVERYTHING IS UP AND UP.
Sranje kroz gusto granje - SHITTING THROUGH A DENSE BUSH.
Sarajevo - SARA IS AN OX.
Dedinje - HE BELONGS TO GRANDFATHER
Mali Losinj - LITTLE BAD CITY.
Skoplje - CASTRATION CITY.
Neda Ukraden - NO YES STOLEN.
Ruzica Sokic -LITTLE ROSE LITTLE JUICE.
Slobodan Milosevic - FREEMAN GENTLE***K.
Alija Izetbegovic - BUT I AND BROTHER-IN-LAW ESCAPE.
Mirjana - PEACE I ON.
Tugomir - SADPEACER.

[Cevap]

Looooooool^^^^^gold!!! Gold!!!

[Centarfor9]

Bosanski HOLLYSH**

http://www.blogger.ba/slike/29727.465764.jpg

Bosanci sanjaju o Americi i Hollywood-u a nisu svjesni cinjenice da mi to imamo u Bosni....Jos samo treba da dodje neki levat i kaze da pored piramide imamo i naftu

[Centarfor9]

Vicevi o 'piramidama' iz Visokog

Mumije u laboratoriji

Iskopali Bosanci dvije mumije iz piramide, pa ih odnesu u labos. Nakon fotografiranja, odu se istužirati i pripremiti da na pressici kažu svijetu novost.

Mumije se probude i dignu, prošetaju po lobosu i jedna kaže:
„U, jebote, ovi su po tehnologiji barem 50 godina ispred nas!“

Piramida

Šta je to veliko, a ne vidi se?
-Piramida u Visokom!

Bosanac

Nova vijest... Arheolozi i lingvisti drevnih jezika su tek danas shvatili zasto prevod najstarijih hijeroglifa u Egiptu glasi:
- "Tako ti je mala moja kad ljubi BOSANAC..."

Visočki Faraon

U jednoj od visočih piramida je pronađen jos jedan faraon. Nazvan je

"Mujon IV". I ovaj je, kao i predhodni, u izvanredno dobro očuvanom stanju- isto žv.

Visočki domaćin "Suljo" u podnožju Piramide Sunca objašnjava stranim novinarima tehnologiju konzerviranja faraona koju su koristili njegovi daledi preci.

Suljo:

- "Onda ga kuhaš jedno sahatak. I kad se odkuh'o dobro ga nasolš i
okaciš da se dimi jedno 4-5 dana uz blagu vatru. Prilikom soljenja može se dodati i malo bijelog luka.
Ma vi to mene me'sčini snimate?"

Novinar:

- "Da, mi smo novinati BBC-a, pravimo reportažu o bosanskim faraonima."

Suljo:

- "Pa hoćel'to sve biti na televiziji?"

Novinar:

- "Naravno, nakon sto obavimo jos nekoliko snimaka."

Suljo:

- "Ono za kuhanje sam se šalio !"

[Centarfor9]

You are a Bosnian when/Ti znas da si bosanac kad:

- you begin most sentences with "jebiga"

- you can not explain what "bolan" means, but you use it all the time

- your mother insists that "promaja" will kill you

- older people call you "sine" although you are a girl

- your mother tells you to wear "potkosulja", no matter what the
temperature outside

- you tuck your "potkosulja" into your underwear

- your father refers to all politicans with "djubrad", "lopovi" ,and
"kriminalci"

- your mother threatens you with "samo cekaj dok ti caca dodje kuci"

- you are 6 and your father sends you out to buy him "Drina" and "Sarajevsko"

- you start your day with a cup of coffee and a cigarette

- your mother won't accept the fact that you are not hungry

- you have "pita" for dinner at least 4 days a week

- you have "sarma" for dinner the remaining 3 days

- a loaf of bread is eaten for lunch every day

- your neighbor comes over every day uninvited, for coffee

- you have 17 consonants and 2 vowels in your last name

- your mother tells you not to sit close to TV, and not to use cell
phones, because you will get brain tumor

- your mother tells you that you will get sick from drinking cold water

- your parents have "goblene" on their walls, and "heklanje" on every
piece of their furniture, including the TV

- the time is divided into "before" and "after" the war

:lol: True isn't it?

[Pape]

LoL! just about everyone

i never thought about "bolan" before :lol:

[Sema]

- your mother threatens you with "samo cekaj dok ti caca dodje kuci"
Haha, I hear that one a lot, but my dads a truck driver, and by the time he gets home, weve all forgoten about it, lol.

[Centarfor9]

^ your the lucky one


Crnogorska pravila

Crnogorac kaže: - "Vatreni sam borac protiv muškog šovinizma. Zastupnik sam ženskih interesa i pristalica ravnopravnosti spolova. Odnos prema ženama pokazujem prije svega u svojoj kući i prema svojoj ženi. Ne bih želio da pomislite kako se hvališem, pa ću navesti nekoliko primjera iz mog braka. Naravno,ni kod mene nije sve idealno. Kao i u svakom braku između mene i moje žene ima sitnih nesuglasica. Ipak, uspijevamo da sve regulišemo sporazumno:

- Ako je bolesna, mogu da se okupam i sam.
- Ako završi sve poslove, može da štrika do mile volje.
- Ako sam novine pročitao, odmah sjutradan moze da ih čita i ona, pod uslovom da ne komentariše to sto procita.
- Ako nisam kod kuće može da uključi radio ili TV čim počne jeftina struja.
- Ako noću primijetim da sam otkriven, pokrijem se sam, a sa njom o tom propustu razgovaram u pogodno vrijeme.
- Ako na pantalonama naiđem na dupli šav, ne prelazim odmah na fizički obračun već mirno pokušavam da utvrdim šta je tome razlog. Da li je to znak da nije normalna, a u obzir dolaze i druge olakšavajuće okolnosti.
- Silu primenjujem samo ako se iznerviram ili se uvjerim da to radi namjerno.
- Ako se dijete prehladi, sama bira koga da bijem - nju ili njega.

Ako se k'a ljudi dogovorimo, kod mene sve može:
- Može da kupi sve sto ja odlučim.
- Može da joj slučajno pregori sijalica.
- Može da pali ringlu čak i kad kuha kafu.
- Može da se kupa i kad sam ja loše raspoložen.
- Može da se javlja na telefon ako ja nisam kod kuće.
- Može da se šminka, pod uslovom da šminku ne kupuje.
- Može da pozove u goste svoje rodjake, ali da pričaju tiho i da postoje ozbiljni razlozi za njihov dolazak.
- Može da pegla i pere prozore kad ona hoće, pod uslovom da uvijek svebude cisto i ispeglano.

Trudim se da na pažnju uzvratim pažnjom. Da je kad zasluži nagradim i istaknem ono što je za isticanje. Nikad ne zaboravljam da je to moja žena i da smo u svemu ravnopravni.
- Našem petom djetetu i ona je smijela da predloži ime, koje zamalo nije usvojeno.
- Za praznik uvek sjedi sa nama za stolom.
- Svaka tri mjeseca može da kupi novu metlu.
- Ukoliko se pronađe usisivač sa prigušivačem, i to ću joj nabaviti. Ovako smo mirniji ako prašinu skuplja rukama.
- Jednom je rekla nešto sto mi nije bilo sasvim glupo, sto mi se skoro dopalo, čak mi je bilo i simpatično, sto sam joj kasnije na određeni način stavio do znanja.
- Da bi imala socijalno, prijavio sam je kao kućnu pomoćnicu.
- Sredio sam joj da popodne može čuvati i tuđu decu.
- Često se događa da potegnem do kuhinje samo zato da bih ručao, ne inzistiram da mi se ručak uvijek servira u postelji.
- Dva puta sam joj galantno ustupio okrajak.
- Od Nove godine oslobodio sam je obaveze da mi vraća žute metalne pare.

Mnoge obaveze sam preuzeo na svoja pleća:
- Putovanja u inostranstvo, odlazak na godišnji odmor, izlaske u kafane, bioskope i pozorišta...

Brinem o njenom dostojanstvu. Trudim se da nikad ne povredim njenu ličnost.
- Samo kad sjedim ona stoji, čim legnem, ona može sjesti i nastaviti sa radom
- Nikad je ne istjerujem na ulicu. Samo na terasu.
- Kad je gađam tanjirom i u najvećem bijesu, vodim računa da ne okrnjim novi servis, za njeno dobro uveo sam plehane tanjire.
- Da bih sačuvao njen ugled, nikad je ne bijem pred djecom i gostima.
- Posto zbilja nema potrebe da noge perem svaki dan, i njene obaveze su smanjene na dva puta nedeljno.

Naravno, ovo nije sve. Nikada nisam zadovoljan postignutim. Nikada neće biti dovoljno ravnopravnosti!

[Pape]

Haha, I hear that one a lot, but my dads a truck driver, and by the time he gets home, weve all forgoten about it, lol.

:lol: :lol: same here!

[Cevap]

lol "bolan" comes from "bolestan"

Bolan ne bio nemoj to uraditi!! (Bolestan ne bio nemoj to uraditi)

:)

[Cevap]

graffitis in Mostar

The guy graffed something on the wall and the same night that the guy in the appartment painted over the graf...

http://img477.imageshack.us/img477/7118/dzabatijekrecitpt9.jpg

http://www.neeth.info/galerija/albums/userpics/10096/6.jpg

http://star.on.net.mk/SiteImages/DSC00029.JPG

(Kinezi, mrs u Japan)

[Centarfor9]

Yeah i heard 26,000 of BH citizens with Afrikan and/or Asian descent will lose their citizenship.

[Cevap]

who cares lol the graf is funny

[Centarfor9]

Robijasi u Iraku :lol:
http://images1.fotopic.net/?iid=yb5i9c&outx=600&quality=70 (http://images1.fotopic.net/?iid=yb5i9c&noresize=1&nostamp=1&quality=70)
http://images5.fotopic.net/?iid=yb5i98&outx=600&quality=70 (http://images5.fotopic.net/?iid=yb5i98&noresize=1&nostamp=1&quality=70)
CELZI vs. CELIK :lol:
http://images1.fotopic.net/?iid=y999x4&outx=600&quality=70 (http://images1.fotopic.net/?iid=y999x4&noresize=1&nostamp=1&quality=70)

[Cevap]

huuuh wtf are they doing in Iraq of all places!?!

[Pape]

are they in the U.S. Marines???

also check this out
Americans vs Bosnians- South Park
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W_62XZkJva0

[Sema]

are they in the U.S. Marines???[/url]

They could be Bosnian's that joined the Marines. I know when I was in Utica, NY last year my cousin said that 8 Bosnian's that graduated from her high school were already in the Navy/Army, so its possible.

[Centarfor9]

huuuh wtf are they doing in Iraq of all places!?!
peacekeeping :)

They are members of ARBiH.

BH Marines!

[Sema]

Wow really? I didn't know we were over there, lol...

[Centarfor9]

Wow really? I didn't know we were over there, lol...
yeah very few of us were there

[Sema]

Yeah, I just found a site that shows all other armed forces in Iraq besides the US. Theres 36 Bosnian's that were sent to do de-mining missions. I guess its the same guys in that pic? :p

http://images.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://www.talkingproud.us/ImagesIntlrelationships/AlliesIraqSalute/BosniaA.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.talkingproud.us/International022705.html&h=194&w=379&sz=33&hl=en&start=7&tbnid=xr2OeSEpOWpThM:&tbnh=63&tbnw=123&prev=/images%3Fq%3DBosnians%2Bin%2BIraq%26svnum%3D10%26hl%3Den%26lr%3D

[Centarfor9]

Yeah, I just found a site that shows all other armed forces in Iraq besides the US. Theres 36 Bosnian's that were sent to do de-mining missions. I guess its the same guys in that pic? :p

ja jesu opasni demineri :lol:

[Sema]

Bosnian Quarterback

Al Davis had put together the perfect Raiders team for '96. The only Thing he was missing was a good quarterback. He had scouted all the colleges, and even the high schools, and he couldn't find a ringer quarterback that would ensure a Super Bowl win.

Then one night, while watching CNN, he saw a war zone in Bosnia. In the background, out of the corner of his eye, he spotted a young Bosnian soldier with a truly incredible arm. First, he threw a hand grenade straight into a 15th story window over 200 yards away --ka-boom! Next, he threw another hand grenade into a group of about 10 soldiers a good 110 yards away--ka-blooey!

Then, a car passes going 90 miles an hour-- bulls-eye! Another grenade right into the barely open window.

"I've got to get this guy," Al says to himself. "He has the perfect arm!"

So he brings him to the states and teaches him the great game of football. Predictably, the young man breaks all NFL records for completed passes, accuracy and touchdowns. The Raiders go on to handily win the Super Bowl.

The young Bosnian is lionized as the Great Hero of Super Bowl XXXI, and When Al asks him what he wants, all the young man wants to do is call his mother.

Al arranges for the call and hands the phone to his young quarterback: "Mom," the young man says into the receiver, "I just won the Super Bowl!"

"I don't want to talk to you," the old woman says. "You deserted us. You're no longer my son."

"I don't think you understand, mother" the young man pleads. "I just won one of the greatest sporting events in the world. I'm in the middle of thousands of adoring fans."

"No, let me tell you," the mother implores. "At this very moment, there are gun shots all around us. The neighborhood is a pile of rubble. Your two brothers were beaten within an inch of their life last week, and this week your sister was raped in broad daylight...."

The old lady pauses, in tears...
"...I'll never forgive you for moving us to Oakland!"
:lol: :lol:

[Pape]

funniest post i have read so far :lol::lol:

[Centarfor9]

The old lady pauses, in tears...
"...I'll never forgive you for moving us to Oakland!"
:lol: :lol:
Awesome punch line.

[Sema]

A kid was sitting on his lawn with a box of puppies one morning. George Bush was on his morning run, accompanied by some Secret Service workers. Dubya asked the boy what kind of puppies were in the box.

The little boy said, "Republicans."

The President beamed, patted the boy on the head, and said, "Thatta boy!"

A few weeks later Bush was jogging again, this time with Dick Cheney in tow. Bush stopped at the boy's house, winked at Dick and said, "Hey kid, what kind of pupies are in the box?"

The boy said, "Democracts"

Bush looked crushed, saying, "What happened? A few weeks ago they were Republicans!"

The boy said, "Well, the puppies opened their eyes."

[Sema]

Conversation between George W. and his National Security Advisor, Condolezza Rice:

George: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening?
Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.
George: Great. Lay it on me.
Condi: Hu is the new leader of China.
George: That's what I want to know.
Condi: That's what I'm telling you.
George: That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes.
George: I mean the fellow's name.
Condi: Hu.
George: The guy in China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The new leader of China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The Chinaman!
Condi: Hu is leading China.
George: Now whaddya' asking me for?
Condi: I'm telling you Hu is leading China.
George: Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China?
Condi: That's the man's name.
George: That's who's name?
Condi: Yes.
George: Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he was in the Middle East.
Condi: That's correct.
George: Then who is in China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir is in China?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Then who is?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Look, Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of China. Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone.
Condi: Kofi?
George: No, thanks.
Condi: You want Kofi?
George: No.
Condi: You don't want Kofi.
George: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk. And then get me the U.N.
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi?
George: Milk! Will you please make the call?
Condi: And call who?
George: Who is the guy at the U.N?
Condi: Hu is the guy in China.
George: Will you stay out of China?!
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi.
George: All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone.
(Condi picks up the phone.)
Condi: Rice, here.
George: Rice? Good idea. And a couple of egg rolls, too. Thanks.

[Cevap]

wasn't this only our jokes???

[Sema]

I don't know, I thought it was just jokes in general?

[Cevap]

i dunno.... i thought the other way around...

[Centarfor9]

I don't know, I thought it was just jokes in general?
yeah but you should make them funny if we are to make any exceptions (jk) :)

[Sema]

Hah! All my jokes are funny, :D

[Cevap]

Dodje Mujo u posjetu kod Sulje koji je polozio zadnji ispit da postane zracni pilot F-18 aviona.

Suljo uspije nekako da ubjedi Muju da mu pokaze kako pilota avion u zraku.

U avionu, Suljo uradi polu "loop" na desnu stranu a kad tad Mujo kaze "Eh znao sam! Majke mi, znao sam!"

Suljo uradi jos jedan polu loop samo na drugu stranu a kad tad se opet cuje preplaseni Mujo koji kaze "Eh jebi ga znao sam i ovo..."

Suljo, za finish, uradi kompletni loop i opet se cuje Mujo koji kaze "Eh mater si jebem, ovo nisam znao."

Kad izadju iz aviona, pita Suljo Muju "Sta si to sve znao a na kraju nisi znao..."

Kad ce Mujo "Eh jarane, znao sam da cu se upisat u gace prvi put...znao sam da cu se usrat u gace drugi put.... ali nisam nikako znao da ces okrenut avion naopacke i da ce sve to da zavrsi u moje lice"

[Sema]

HAHA :lol:

[Pape]

Doso Mujica kuci iz skole i zali se ocu da je dobio 3 jedinice.
Otac:
- "Kako sine, iz cega, uvijek si bio dobar."
- "Matematika, fizicko i bosanski."
- "Pricaj kako matematika, imao si 5-icu."
- "Uciteljica pita koliko je 2+3, a zatim 3+2. Ja joj reko: isti kurac, i ona dade jedan."
- "A fizicko, tu si bio najbolji."
- "Uciteljica rekla: digni lijevu nogu, ja digo. Ona onda digni desnu a ja njoj a na kom cu kurcu onda stajati, a ona opet jedinicu."
- "A bosanski, tu si bio najjaci u kantonu?"
- "Uciteljica rekla napisi recenicu: SUTRA CE NAM DOCI TETKA NA KONAK."
Otac ne docekavsi da Mujica zavrsi rece:
- "Koji ce nam kurac, prije tri dana nocila je."
- "Tako sam i rekao, a ona mi dade jedan."

[Cevap]

http://www.uselessjunk.com/article_full.php?id=12716

Diarreah in the Jacuzzi

[Sema]

ROFL???...Is it fake or what?..

[Centarfor9]

http://www.uselessjunk.com/article_full.php?id=12716

Diarreah in the Jacuzzi
sta fali :D

svakom se moze desit, izgleda da je znala da dolazi :lol:

[Centarfor9]

Fusion you know this guy?? :lol: (jk)

http://img147.imageshack.us/img147/1533/abudaleqm6.jpg (http://imageshack.us/?x=my6&myref=http://load.imageshack.us/)

[Pape]

Buraz Djejms, a rare surviving ancestor of the ancient civilization that built the Bosnian Pyramids. The Crnci as they are referred to were greatly discriminated and ethnically cleansed during the Yugoslavian War when the Serbian gangs swept through Bosnia from 1992-1995. Nevertheless the Crnci still love what was once Former Yugoslavia and all of the people of it. They are now very determined to bring the old state back and this time ride on top of its glory.

I got too much time tonight Im gonna go sleep.

[Centarfor9]

Top lista nadrealista

Hepek- Krava pase
http://sjl-static12.sjl.youtube.com/vi/EfI_jeYwtrM/2.jpg (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EfI_jeYwtrM)

Hepek- U banci

http://sjl-static16.sjl.youtube.com/vi/vKIQyDdnzzU/2.jpg (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vKIQyDdnzzU&mode=related&search=)

Hepek- Biranje himne
http://sjl-static5.sjl.youtube.com/vi/6fP9_gL07Hw/2.jpg

Hepek- Obdaniste "Slozna Braca"
http://sjl-static4.sjl.youtube.com/vi/jGOZvCZ-jUY/2.jpg (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jGOZvCZ-jUY&mode=related&search=)

Mladic koji nenosi oruzlje
http://sjl-static15.sjl.youtube.com/vi/y5cbARltqB0/2.jpg (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y5cbARltqB0&mode=related&search=)
Kako nas gleda Evropa
http://sjl-static7.sjl.youtube.com/vi/nt9cMJAAwPA/2.jpg (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nt9cMJAAwPA&mode=related&search=)

Minka kasno konta
http://sjl-static13.sjl.youtube.com/vi/icKFVIzHSZ8/2.jpg (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=icKFVIzHSZ8&mode=related&search=)

Bosanski restoran u Japanu
http://sjl-static7.sjl.youtube.com/vi/-9luvYV5j9g/2.jpg (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-9luvYV5j9g&mode=related&search=)

Nastao mir
http://sjl-static15.sjl.youtube.com/vi/ylZf1GOD5KU/2.jpg (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ylZf1GOD5KU&mode=related&search=)

[Pape]

Biranje hime (forgot the link)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6fP9_gL07Hw

Gospodin iz Zavidovica haha my home town

[Centarfor9]

pruzi ruku??? :lol: Zasto??

A ostali su neslozna braca :lol:

[Centarfor9]

Funny English

http://www.ihimlen.dk/flash/italianenglish.htm

[Centarfor9]

Bosna-Brazil
Došao Mujo na važnu utakmicu (Bosna-Brazil).
Stadion pun ko kraja, sve i jedno sjedište popunjeno osim sjedišta do Muje. Ugledao to neki stranac pa ga upita:
- "Jel' to sjedište pripada nekome vašem, gospodine?"
- "Da, reče Mujo, to pripada mojoj ženi Fati, ali ako vama treba slobodno sjedite, ona neće doći jer je umrla."
- "Jako mi je žao gospodine", reče stranac ali pošto je utakmica bila jako važna stranac ga priupita:
- "Pa zar ne znate nikoga ko bi htio doći na ovakvu utakmicu? rođaka, prijatelja, komšiju?"
- "Ne, reče Mujo hladno, sva rodbina i ljudi koje znam su na sahrani."

[Centarfor9]

http://img57.imageshack.us/img57/7655/zategnipt1mm9.jpg
Can you read this?? Onda si Kinez! :smoking:

[Centarfor9]

Find three differences in these pictures
http://members.home.nl/saen/Special/zoeken.html (http://members.home.nl/saen/Special/zoeken.html)

PS: Don't tell what they are!

[Sema]

Hah, I already found em, it wasn't that hard, :D

[Centarfor9]

Hah, I already found em, it wasn't that hard, :D
It was too hard for me! :lol:

[Sema]

You just gotta look real close, I was really close to the screen. And was I surprised when I found them...It was so obvious.

[Pape]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nJH6lvNMKm8 :lol:

[Centarfor9]

ko ovdje crta gole zenske?? ja ili ti?? :lol:

[Pape]

slusajte doktore, majka vam je obsjeduta seksom :lol::lol:

[Sema]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BP8yu7PUMEE
haha

[Centarfor9]

Mujo i Haso (Full Version)
http://sjc-static17.sjc.youtube.com/vi/AVX8ImvOVtI/2.jpg (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AVX8ImvOVtI&mode=related&search=)

[Centarfor9]

http://img163.imageshack.us/img163/6181/crunt147gr9js.jpg

[Sema]

ROFL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love this part....."Lisa is blonde" ahahahah! :lol:

[Centarfor9]

ROFL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love this part....."Lisa is blonde" ahahahah! :lol:
it's a true story :lol:

[Centarfor9]

Djuro iz Nadrealista udari hipika na TV Slovenija (uzivo) (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PbxEISF8rN0&mode=related&search=) :lol:

[Centarfor9]

Top Lista Nadrealista - Sisanje motke (Omlecivanje)
http://sjl-static4.sjl.youtube.com/vi/JlHxe5UTmdo/2.jpg (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JlHxe5UTmdo&mode=related&search=)

Top Lista Nadrealista - Na dnu dna (penzioneri sisaju motku)
http://sjl-static12.sjl.youtube.com/vi/RPOx8Dau5Eg/2.jpg (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RPOx8Dau5Eg&mode=related&search=)

[Centarfor9]

Ovo nas sada prekida!!!!!!!!! :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

http://sjc-static7.sjc.youtube.com/vi/LFmvjffWhRE/2.jpg (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LFmvjffWhRE&mode=related&search=)

Kradja laptopa

http://sjl-static15.sjl.youtube.com/vi/ZGs7jcpP-Ic/2.jpg (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZGs7jcpP-Ic&mode=related&search=)

[Centarfor9]

Cazinski Materazzi!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
http://sjc-static8.sjc.youtube.com/vi/oMQF1AAXNAM/2.jpg (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oMQF1AAXNAM&mode=related&search=)

:Pound: :Pound: :Pound: :Pound: :Pound: :Pound: :Pound:

[Centarfor9]

Borat quotes:

* My wife she is dead…she die in the field…she die from work, an accident, but is not important, I have a new wife.

—Making conversation at a formal lunch
* I had a good shit.

—After relieving himself at the same lunch.
* To make love? To have the sex?

—Questioning a lunch guest
* This one I have to pay money for, but she worth it! Wow wow wee waa!

—Introducing one of his many lady friends from the Best of Borat
* This my friend Mari. I come here for massage and, how you say? Hand relief. Every Thursday, he clean my hole.

—At the Buitcha Water Spa in “Almaty”
* I like sex.

—Signing off from his home in Kazakhstan. A direct Mahir quote.
* Borat “Everyone say it rain down like, how you say…?” Lady “Cats and dogs?” Borat “Piss!”

—Talking to guests at the Henley Regatta
* May I ask you are a man who does with another man?

—A question posed to a man attending the Henley Regatta
* Mow the ***king Bucks!

—Cheering on a team at the Henley Regatta
* Every Englishman must have a hobby. Some like to collect the stamp, some like to make the jam, but the most fun is to a kill a little animal with a shotgun or rip them up with wild dog.

—Commenting on English hunting
* You have big bollocks? Can I touch them?

—Interviewing an English hunter
* You think maybe Blair is a man who take off his clothes and let his khram go hard and put in a man’s bottom?

—Interviewing a protester
* Can you do a dirt in there?

—Pointing to a urinal
* And Gypsies, can they play or is best to keep them away?

—Questioning a bowls club manager.
* She must be tight, like a man’s anus.

—Detailing his requirements for his ideal partner.
* But if she cheat on me, I will crush her!

—Speaking with Jenny Noel from Great Expectations Dating Agency
* I love a baseball, do you love a baseballs?

—At a Savannah Sand Gnats baseball game, speaking to the crowd
* Is nice… Is a good, but I have… seen bigger.

—Speaking with a man on the street about his penis, after touching it
* She was voted by Almaty Chamber of Commerce as best sex in mouth. She is number 2, or 3, best prostitute in the country of Kazakhstan.

—Speaking with singer and country musician Porter Wagoner about his sister while asking for song ideas
* He will say many bad things, but that is because he is a liar.

—In response to an employment adviser asking what his former boss would say about him
* Last night, me and my wife, we have sex.

—Speaking to members at a formal dinner
* My wife, she is scared of men with chocolate face, there won’t be any around here?

—Speaking to an estate agent, who promptly informed him that it’s possible, although anyone purchasing property in the area would be quite well off.
* I make a smell. It smell like a shit.

— Commenting on his flatulence at a formal Southern dinner.
* Can I buy you?

— Directed towards an elderly employee at a recreation of a slave plantation.
* If you vote for him he will make sure you and your family have a good years. If you do not… you will be sorry.

— Trying to convince an elderly woman to vote for James Broadwater for U.S. Congress.
* In Kazakhstan we say man who has never killed a man is like man with no khram.

— Khram is a slang term for testicles or penis.
* Can I put a camera in the lady toilet?

— Asking questions at a job interview.
* Why Not?

— Repeated many times during interviews.
* We want to speak with someone who can vote.

— Talking to a woman while campaining with James Broadwater.
* Yes, I have been in a movie Dirty Jew. I play the one who eh… the hero, the one who shot him.

— At a television audition.
* I am big like can of Pepsi.

— In reference to his penis.
* You remind me my wife… why you laugh? She dead.

— Speaking with a woman at a meet-a-date roundtable.
* Welcome to the 2005 Eurovision Song Contest.

— Introduction to the MTV Europe Music Awards (EMAs).
* That singer before me. Who was it? It was very courageous of MTV to start the show with a genuine transvestite, he was very convincing. It was only his hands and his testi satchels that gave it away.

— Following Madonna at the MTV EMAs.
* Please prepare yourself for masturbation because next are international singing prostitutes, Pussy Cat Dolls.

— Introducing Pussy Cat Dolls at the MTV EMAs.
* There is one singer called Shakira… sorry I laugh because in Kazakhstan this word means vagina. For example, ‘Can I touch your shakira?’ or ‘I have seen your wife’s shakira, it hangs like the mouth of a tired dog.

— Introducing Gorillaz at the MTV EMAs.
* My 13-year-old son is travelling here by foot, with his two wives and his three childrens.” “If he survives the journey I have promised him that he can make penetration with Colombian prostitute Shakira.

— At the MTV EMA press conference.
* To the world, I love you! Apart from Uzbekistan. Assholes.

[Centarfor9]

Egnilsh Splleing!

Aoccdrnig to a rscheeahcr at an Elingsh uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer are in the rghit pclae.

The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae we do not raed ervey lteter by it slef but the wrod as a wlohe...

[Ero]

these made me laugh

http://img79.imageshack.us/img79/421/3932iy3.jpg (http://imageshack.us)

http://img455.imageshack.us/img455/8450/3891cf1.jpg (http://imageshack.us)

http://img455.imageshack.us/img455/7499/3638rj9.jpg (http://imageshack.us)

:lol:

[Bosnian Unit]

Ova zadnja slika je do jaja :lol:

[Centarfor9]

^ kad sam doso u SAD svi su isto izgledali :lol:

[DRXX]

Egnilsh Splleing!

Aoccdrnig to a rscheeahcr at an Elingsh uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer are in the rghit pclae.

The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae we do not raed ervey lteter by it slef but the wrod as a wlohe...


I heard this before. I find in interesting and VERY easy to read

[DRXX]

Prvačić pita tatu:
• Tata, kako sam je došao na svet?
• Pa, sine, donela te roda!
• E, jebi ga, tata, i ti svašta jebeš!


That is actually my OWN quote when I was a kid lol..

I remember saying it..

But I said "Pored vake mame, ti jebo rodu"

its more funnier

[Bosnian Unit]

That is actually my OWN quote when I was a kid lol..

I remember saying it..

But I said "Pored vake mame, ti jebo rodu"

its more funnier

:lol: ova je dobra :lol:

[Centarfor9]

VIDEO: Bryant psuje kao Balkanac

http://www.sportcentar.ba/prikaz_novosti.php?subaction=showfull&id=1171933328&archive=&start_from=&ucat=13&

:lol:

[DRXX]

VIDEO: Bryant psuje kao Balkanac

http://www.sportcentar.ba/prikaz_novosti.php?subaction=showfull&id=1171933328&archive=&start_from=&ucat=13&

:lol:



Good old Kobe..

lmao..that is good

[Centarfor9]

Bosanski policajci igraju tenis stop palicama (Video)

Nakon spavanja u autu bosanska policija ponovno je uspjela nasmijati javnost. Na internetu se pojavila snimka kako policajci igraju tenis tijekom radnog vremena. Dvojica policajaca uredno su se parkirali sa službenim
autom na pustopoljini, izašla i počeli igrati tenis i to ne s bilo čim - već stop palicama!

No, nisu računali na znatiželjnog susjeda koji je to sve snimio i prezentirao cijeloj internetskoj populaciji.

http://sjc-static1.sjc.youtube.com/vi/B-qdOn7rTBQ/2.jpg (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B-qdOn7rTBQ&feature=PlayList&p=9F2B6318E13C3DF6&index=29)

here it looks like this guy was chasing a cop at 170 km/h
http://sjc-static13.sjc.youtube.com/vi/zrBnvWkD5bw/2.jpg (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zrBnvWkD5bw)

[Centarfor9]

http://sjl-static11.sjl.youtube.com/vi/rlIKX78BzpA/2.jpg (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rlIKX78BzpA)
Propjevao Pablo Munhoz (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rlIKX78BzpA)



:lol:

[Pape]

Mujo i Fata nisu imali para, pa nekako ode Fata u Njemačku. Prođe 5-6 dana i vraća se Fata u Sarajevo sa mečkom, bundom i gomilom para. Dođe ona kući i Mujo je pita:
• Odakle ti sve to, bona?! Jes' to uzela na lizing?
A Fata će:
• Malo na lizing, ali više na pušing.

[Centarfor9]

Tajni Agenti

Dodju Mujo i Haso u Ameriku i nadju bosanski kafic. U kaficu su bili neki Talibani i rekli su Muji i Hasi:

- "Ako nam neplatite, ubit cemo vas!"
Dodje konobarica i oni moraju platit.
Mujo i Haso kazu konobarici:
- "Ako nam ne platis, onda cemo te ubit!"
Konobarica upita:
-"A gdje su vam brade?"
Mujo i Haso skinu gace i kazu:
-"Mi smo tajni agenti."

:lol:

[Pape]

:lol:

[Centarfor9]

Mujo i Haso 2 - Teorija pijanstva (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fYtrYjQDvkc&mode=related&search=)

so true :lol:


Mujo i Haso 2 - Supermen (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gXDdwbg8ABo&mode=related&search=) :lol:

[Centarfor9]

http://sjl-static11.sjl.youtube.com/vi/NLazCTuwMuY/2.jpg (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NLazCTuwMuY)

nazif gljiva (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NLazCTuwMuY) bez pardona


:lol: jebo majku jest duhovit

[Centarfor9]

http://img.youtube.com/vi/Y-ykryHswuw/2.jpg (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y-ykryHswuw&mode=related&search=)

Zajebancija na Telefonu | Daj mi zenu (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y-ykryHswuw&mode=related&search=)

http://sjl-static9.sjl.youtube.com/vi/r1Nechtkzys/2.jpg (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r1Nechtkzys&mode=related&search=)
Telefon zajebancija Albanac kupuje traktor (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r1Nechtkzys&mode=related&search=)

http://sjl-static1.sjl.youtube.com/vi/lMzzibhgsCo/2.jpg (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lMzzibhgsCo&mode=related&search=)
Da ti nisi Musliman kume (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lMzzibhgsCo&mode=related&search=)


:lol:

[Centarfor9]

http://www.minutecity.com/images-for-myspace/animation2/funny/funny_41.gif

[Ero]

http://img231.imageshack.us/img231/5185/6263en4.jpg (http://imageshack.us)

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

[Pape]

:lol:

[Centarfor9]

i don't get it

[Centarfor9]

http://img181.imageshack.us/img181/2073/zakonnice21yk4.jpg (http://forums.soccerfansnetwork.com/)

[Centarfor9]

http://www.smijesne-slike.com/slike/slike/101_v.jpg

[Sema]

Jedan dan Mujo is Suljo su igrali fudbala, i pito Suljo Muju..."Dali ima fudbala gore....znas, kad me umremo i odem u taj drugi svijet."
"Pa nezman" kaze Mujo..."Ko prvi odnas umre, nek se javi odozgo i kaze drugom."
Prodje par godina, i Mujo umre. Pa onda Suljo ceko i ceko, nikad da se Mujo javi. Prosla vec godina, i Suljo je mislio da se Mujo nece nikad javiti.
Kad....jednu noc Suljo sanjo, i dodje mu Mujo u san...
"Pa gdje si ti jarane, sto se nisi javio ranije" kazo Suljo..."ja mislio ti neces nikad....pa hajde reci mi...imali gore fudbala"
"Ma ima bolan, svake sedimice igramo" kaze Mujo.. "I znas sta, mi slijedece sedmice imamo turnir....i ti si na mom timu!"

[Centarfor9]

Ratni TLN - Konvoj kreno
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yaPnaUcBNAQ

[Centarfor9]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kD_69AdsO28 (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kD_69AdsO28)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DKdHVXdaIwI&mode=related&search= (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DKdHVXdaIwI&mode=related&search=)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EsXBl2Vw5MI&NR=1 (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EsXBl2Vw5MI&NR=1)

Nadreality Show 1. - SKOLA ZA TURBO FOLK (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RPxay5i0ZEQ&mode=related&search=)

http://img.youtube.com/vi/Mic3OXLKWp4/2.jpg (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mic3OXLKWp4)
Nadreality Show 5 - GLOBALNO ZAGRIJAVANJE :) (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mic3OXLKWp4)

http://img.youtube.com/vi/Ly-_aggrLiY/2.jpg (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ly-_aggrLiY)
Nadreality Show 5 - BORDEL ZA ZIVOTINJE (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ly-_aggrLiY)


http://img.youtube.com/vi/Mfbi89DbxaU/2.jpg (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mfbi89DbxaU)
Nadreality Show 5 - HIBERNATOR (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mfbi89DbxaU)


http://img.youtube.com/vi/GP_Gzqi5Ff4/2.jpg (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GP_Gzqi5Ff4)
Nadreality Show 5 - PIJACA: KINEZI vs. ROMI (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GP_Gzqi5Ff4)

http://img.youtube.com/vi/EYsdQGzhAvU/2.jpg (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EYsdQGzhAvU)
Nadreality Show 5 - PROROCICA DZAZIRA GLEDA U KASIKE (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EYsdQGzhAvU)


http://img.youtube.com/vi/SmeccQOcgZg/2.jpg (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SmeccQOcgZg)
Nadreality Show 5 - BERZA U BREZI (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SmeccQOcgZg)

http://img.youtube.com/vi/cvlLbPRhw60/2.jpg (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cvlLbPRhw60)
Nadreality Show 4 - BREAKING NEWS-JANJETINA (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cvlLbPRhw60)


http://img.youtube.com/vi/CuUfh0rT-78/2.jpg (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CuUfh0rT-78)
Nadreality Show 4. - HITNA UPOMOC- Spasavanje Ferida (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CuUfh0rT-78)


http://img.youtube.com/vi/T4Os6MqAKrw/2.jpg (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T4Os6MqAKrw)
Nadreality Show 4. - PIRAMIDE (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T4Os6MqAKrw)


http://img.youtube.com/vi/k1h1Kx1138g/2.jpg (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k1h1Kx1138g)
Nadreality Show 4. - Gosp.Ruglo UTJERIVAC U POZORISTE (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k1h1Kx1138g)


http://img.youtube.com/vi/jjeIXrHF1jg/2.jpg (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jjeIXrHF1jg)
Nadreality Show 4. - FATNESS CLUB (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jjeIXrHF1jg)

http://img.youtube.com/vi/t__rjGbfSOQ/2.jpg (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t__rjGbfSOQ)
Nadreality Show 2. - PRAONICA NOVCA (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t__rjGbfSOQ)

http://img.youtube.com/vi/b5-u4l13F_I/2.jpg (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b5-u4l13F_I)
Nadreality Show 2. - MRTVACNICA (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b5-u4l13F_I)


http://img.youtube.com/vi/PwzyZREeAsQ/2.jpg (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PwzyZREeAsQ)
Nadreality Show 2. - ELVIS J. VICEVI O DRUGU TITU (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PwzyZREeAsQ)

[Cevap]

http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=161606274

Ovaj tip drama...

Srpski Miss Cleo.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SFeNgr1AbUo

[Centarfor9]

http://img241.imageshack.us/img241/9080/zeljoopstanakrv8.jpg (http://forums.soccerfansnetwork.com/)

:lol:

http://img186.imageshack.us/img186/2270/h3h3zy7.jpg (http://forums.soccerfansnetwork.com/)

http://img186.imageshack.us/img186/9418/kotofu7.jpg (http://forums.soccerfansnetwork.com/)

http://img295.imageshack.us/img295/813/ficoxa0.jpg (http://forums.soccerfansnetwork.com/)

http://img295.imageshack.us/img295/9079/forenzicarkarm3.jpg (http://forums.soccerfansnetwork.com/)

[Pr0s]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ghNdBdk8wso&mode=related&search= 50 Eura

[-Vozdra-]

Simpsoni

http://youtube.com/watch?v=_2uZkae8ra8

[-Vozdra-]

Audicija - Almir Glamocak

http://youtube.com/watch?v=KaPgjL2gQmA&mode=related&search=

SEEEEEEEEEEJJJDDDDDDDOOOOOO!!!! KVIKLI :lol: :lol:

[Centarfor9]

Zmaj od Sipova - najveci "opremac" u BiH
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YYUGzJ172YE

Zmaj od šipova (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tl_lchPcUuo)

respek

[Centarfor9]

Audicija: Solomon Bicakcic (Branko Djuric Djuro) (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OEQ_OetEhl0)

joj razlike - drasticne razlike

A sta je vi ste se bavili sportom?

Jesam. Karate crni pojas treci dan nisam nista jeo haha

[Centarfor9]

i'm checking out Russian jokes (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Russian_jokes) they are pretty funny

the 'in soviet russia' jokes are too funny at the moment

Jokes invented by Yakov Smirnoff, involving the comparisons of things in the United States and the Soviet Union.

If, in America, x does y to z, in Soviet Russia, z does y to x.

"In America, you drive car. In Soviet Russia, car drives you!"

"In America, you go to parties. In Soviet Russia, party goes to you!"

"In America, you watch television. In Soviet Russia, television watches you!"

"In America, you define dictionary. In Soviet Russia, dictionary defines you!"

"In America, you shoot gun. In Soviet Russia, gun shoots you!"

In Soviet Russia, words define YOU! LOL

[Pape]

Look at the Chinese Serb singing on the GRAND Show hahaha

http://youtube.com/watch?v=00RESdTd6Zg

[Centarfor9]

http://youtube.com/watch?v=iYj7kjGHNc0

Nadreality Show 5 - PIJACA: KINEZI vs. ROMI (http://youtube.com/watch?v=GP_Gzqi5Ff4)

lol

[Sema]

There's a Bosnian, a Serb, and a Croat on an airplane.

The Serb and Croat ask the Bosnian to go get them all some sodas. But the Bosnian has already taken his shoes off, and he lets them know that. But they insist that he has the aisle seat, and should go. So he just goes barefoot.

The Serb then leans over and spits in his right shoe, and the Croat does the same to his left shoe. The Bosnian comes back with the sodas, and puts on his right shoe, and realizes what's happened, but he doesn't say anything, and procedes to put on his left shoe. A few moments later the Serb asks..."What's the matter, you look like something is troubling you?"

"Oh nothing" says the Bosnian, "I was just wondering where all of this will lead, I mean, spitting in peoples shoes, pissing in peoples sodas.....where will it end?"

[nb-legenda]

There's a Bosnian, a Serb, and a Croat on an airplane.

The Serb and Croat ask the Bosnian to go get them all some sodas. But the Bosnian has already taken his shoes off, and he lets them know that. But they insist that he has the aisle seat, and should go. So he just goes barefoot.

The Serb then leans over and spits in his right shoe, and the Croat does the same to his left shoe. The Bosnian comes back with the sodas, and puts on his right shoe, and realizes what's happened, but he doesn't say anything, and procedes to put on his left foot. A few moments later the Serb asks..."What's the matter, you look like something is troubling you?"

"Oh nothing" says the Bosnian, "I was just wondering where all of this will lead, I mean, spitting in peoples shoes, pissing in peoples sodas.....where will it end?"

:lol: :lol: thats classic... do you have a bosnian language version of that?? ah man it would sound so much funnier...:lol:

[Sema]

My dad told me this a while back, and I just remembered. I could ask him to tell it again and I could put it up here, but your translation would be just as good as mine, lol.

[nb-legenda]

check out the Oceanian Football section in the forums. i made a thread on which teams you support... i support mostly american samoa! theyre the best!

[Pape]

Kako zovu plavusu koja ne pusi?
Uopste je ne zovu.

Kako potopiti podmornicu prenuna plavusa?
Pa pokucas na vrata.

Zasto plavusa skace sa mosta?
Jer su joj rekli da je dobra riba.

Zasto plavusa cuti dok se jebe?
Rekla joj keva da ne prica sa nepoznatima!

:lol: