Tell a joke!!!

[soccerprince11]

If u have any good jokes post them up. Go nuts, clean jokes, dirty jokes.(Hopefully the mods will let it slip since it's for the since of having a good laugh)

[Ivan7637]

If u have any good jokes post them up. Go nuts, clean jokes, dirty jokes.(Hopefully the mods will let it slip since it's for the since of having a good laugh)

Ok hears one that i heard before or read or something, i just know it for some reason.

"A man goes to the doctor for a check up and discovers he has lung cancer."

Man: doctor what should i do?

Doctor: go outside and i'll be right with you.

"the man goes outside and sees a pull of mud and dirt, the doctor tells him to go in and shower himself with the mud. the man doesn't question this so he does it. A few hours later the man asks"

Man: How does this cure my cancer?

Doctor: oh it doesn't but it'll get you used to the Dirt.

hehe, i don't know if this is funny but i think it's a decent joke. :thumbsup:

[nachi88]

spain wins the world cup

[Ivan7637]

spain wins the world cup
hahahjahahaha :ronaldo:

[soccerprince11]

Say the fallowing phrase: I'm sofa king we Tod Edd.

and also:My dixie wrecked.

[benherbert]

ok this is a good one man walks into a butchers he says "where's your assistant"

the butcher says "i saked him he was putting his dick in the bacon slicer"

the man then says "what happened to that"

the butcher responds "i sacked her as well !"haha

[nachi88]

ok this is a good one man walks into a butchers he says "where's your assistant"

the butcher says "i saked him he was putting his dick in the bacon slicer"

the man then says "what happened to that"

the butcher responds "i sacked her as well !"haha

:boo:
and disgusting too

[Equis5]

spain wins the world cup

hahahjahahaha :ronaldo:


:redeyes:

Kahn is the best GK ever! And very peaceful!

[nachi88]

:redeyes:

Kahn is the best GK ever! And very peaceful!

equis buddy, as the name suggests, this is joke thread... no offense intended...

peace :thumbsup:

[Ivan7637]

:redeyes:

Kahn is the best GK ever! And very peaceful!

Real Madrid is good. :silly:

[Lance Knight]

what did tthe coke bottle say to the pespi bootle


















nothing all u idoits its just a bootle

[nachi88]

what did Pele tell Zidane???

Pele: you think you are great? You are not, whatever you could do with a football, I can do with an orange.

[Equis5]

Oh Nachi, why do you hate Real Madrid so much... :cry: :apple: :dazed: :worried:

I was kidding, no anger...

[nachi88]

Oh Nachi, why do you hate Real Madrid so much... :cry: :apple: :dazed: :worried:

I was kidding, no anger...

i hate them because of thier $$$$$$$, but i support other spanish clubs like valencia and barca.

[Lance Knight]

but barca bought like 5or 6 players last season

and chelsea is the bitches with the $$$$$$$$$$

[Lance Knight]

anyway me and a friend was liming in the mall and feeling wild today, and we saw a guy with a VERON T-shirt on, so we went up to him and said "yo veron was up dog, u played shit last game," and the guys i like all confused, and then we asked him for his autograph and the guy actually signed veron on a peice of paper, and then he said he had to go, lol and then we started to follow him and his wife all around the mall and they saw us follownig them and they got frighten and left, and when they wnet outside its like we followed them and shouted "veron we love you" and the guy and his wife got in a taxi and left

seriously i really did this today, well yesterday i just noticed its 2:00am,lol

[Ese_Guy]

An older man goes in for his yearly physical, with his wife tagging along.

When the doctor enters the examination room he says, "I will need a urine sample, a stool sample, and a sperm sample."

The old man, being hard of hearing, turns to his wife and asks, "What did he say?"

The wife yells back to him, "GIVE HIM YOUR UNDERWEAR!"

[nachi88]

good one ese

[nachi88]

Q: why wont beckham make it big in serie a?
A: becuase in Italy, everyone one styles their hair.

[RonaldoD08]

Q: why wont beckham make it big in serie a?
A: becuase in Italy, everyone one styles their hair.

that's right...he would be one of many especially if he goes to Roma...

[djani]

What does it say in the Yugo owner's manual to do in case of an impending accident with any inanimate object larger than a breadbox?

Answer: Place head between legs, lock hands behind head and repeat "Our Father , who art in Heaven. . . "

LoL, you'll get this joke is you know what a Yugo is and if you're from any part of former Jugoslavia.


PS: It's not meant to be offensive , so I hope everybody's got a sense of humor.

[nachi88]

An old farmer decided it was time to get a new rooster for his hens.
The current rooster was still doing an okay job, but he was getting on
in years. And the farmer figured getting a new rooster couldn't hurt
anything. So he buys a young cock from the local rooster emporium, and
turns him loose in the barn yard. Well, the old rooster sees the young
one strutting around and he gets a little worried. "So, they're trying
to replace me," thinks the old rooster. I've got to do something about
this.

He walks up to the new bird and says, "So you're the new stud in town?
I bet you really think you're hot stuff, don't you? Well I'm not ready
for the chopping block yet. I'll bet I'm still the better bird. And to
prove it, I challenge you to a race around that hen house over there.
We'll run around it ten times and whoever finish's first gets to have
all the hens for himself."

Well, the young rooster was a proud sort, and he definitely thought he
was more than a match for the old guy. "You're on," said the young
rooster. "And since I know I'm so great, I'll even give you a head
start of half a lap. I'll still win easy."

So the two roosters go over to the hen house to start the race with all
the hens gathering around to watch. The race begins and all the hens
start cheering the roosters on. After the first lap, the old rooster is
still maintaining his lead. After the second lap, the old guy's lead
has slipped a little but he's still hanging in there. Unfortunately the
old rooster's lead continues to slip each time around, and by the fifth
lap he's just barely in front of the young rooster.

By now the farmer has heard all the commotion. He runs into the house,
gets his shotgun, and runs out to the barn yard figuring a fox or
something is after his chickens. When he gets there, he sees the two
roosters running around the hen house, with the old rooster still
slightly in the lead. He immediately takes his shotgun, aims, fires,
and blows the young rooster away. As he walks away slowly, he says to
himself "Damn, that's the third gay rooster I've bought this month."

[Lance Knight]

lol
how do u fit and elephant in a frigde


u open the frigde and put him in

[Lance Knight]

how do u fit a Griffafe in a frigde?





U open the frigde take out the Elephant and put in the Griffafe

[Lance Knight]

Tarzan, the king of the jungle called a meeting with all the animals, which animal wont be there?













The Griffafe. THE he is in the frigde

[nachi88]

lance they were terrible... :ronaldo:

Some Comparisons

In Heaven:
1. The cooks are French,
2. The policemen are English,
3. The mechanics are German,
4. The lovers are Italian,
5. The bankers are Swiss.

In Hell:
1. The cooks are English,
2. The policemen are German,
3. The mechanics are French,
4. The lovers are Swiss,
5. The bankers are Italian.

In Computer Heaven:
1. The management is from Intel,
2. The design and construction is done by Apple,
3. The marketing is done by Microsoft,
4. IBM provides the support,
5. Gateway determines the pricing.

In Computer Hell:
1. The management is from Apple,
2. Microsoft does design and construction,
3. IBM handles the marketing,
4. The support is from Gateway,
5. Intel sets the price.

[Lance Knight]

ok here's a another one atleast see if u guys can figure this out.

Geroge was wandering in the jungle when he came to this river. B4 jumping in he noticed a sign saying "Danger Piranas" George thought to himself 'shit that' and swam across the river. How come he made it across safely?





































The Prianas were at the Meeting with tarzan, hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahaha hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahaha hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahaha hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah ahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah ahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahaha

[nachi88]

Old saying:
Early to bed, early to rise
makes a man healthy,wealthy and wise

New Saying:
Ealry to bed, early to rise
makes your woman go to other guys.

:D

[arminius]

ok some might find these jokes lame but i'll tell 'em anyway..
1. what do you call a fly with no wings?...........a walk.
2.a horse walks into a bar, the bartender say's 'hey what's with the long face'

[Lance Knight]

lol, and the horse said neyyyy

[Toke-E-Yo]

hahah okay, my turn.

3 couples are standing at the gates of heavne, when St Peter hiself, walks out with a order from God: Theres only room for one more couple. So St Peter decides to look at the Heavenly Records of each couple. The First couple approaches, a fat man and woman. St Peter looks at them, and deciedes " You love food, and you married a a girl named Kandi. That is not acceptable" and he pulls the lever, and they make the plunge to hell.

St Peter calls up the next couple, a Rich Texan, and his wife.

St Peter looks at them and says, "You love money, and you married a woman named Penny. That is not acceptable." and with one quick motion, there both also take the plunge.

The last couple are a gay couple. As they are bieng called up, one of the men turns to the other and says "Uh Oh, looks like were in trouble Dick"

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Ahhh, time for some Redneck Bashing I think? OK..here we go....

Dear Redneck Son;

I'm writing this letter slow because I know you can't read fast.

We don't live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 miles from your home, so we moved.

I won't be able to send you the address because the last Arkansas family that lived here took the house numbers when they moved so that they wouldn't have to change their address.

This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure it works so well though: last week I put a load in and pulled the chain and haven't seen them since.

The weather isn't bad here. It only rained twice last week; the first time for three days and the second time for four days.

About that coat you wanted me to send you, your Uncle Stanley said it would be to heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.

John locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were really worried because it took him two hours to get me and your father out.

Your sister had a baby this morning; but I haven't found out what it is yet so I don't know if your an aunt or an uncle. The baby looks just like your brother....

Uncle Ted fell in a whiskey vat last week. Some men tried to pull him out, but he fought them off playfully and drowned. We had him cremated and he burned for three days.

Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pick-up truck. Ralph was driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your other two friends were in back. They drowned because they
couldn't get the tailgate down.

There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much has happened.

Love, Mom

P.S. I was going to send you some money but the envelope was already sealed.

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New Joke
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SNAPPY COMEBACKS

Snappy Answer #1

A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket, and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub."

Snappy Answer #2

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."

Snappy Answer #3

The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said. The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could." When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.

Snappy Answer #4

A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads "Low Bridge Ahead." Before he knows it the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks around to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?" The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."

Snappy Answer #5

A crowded United Airlines flight was canceled. A single agent was rebooking a long line of inconvenienced travelers. Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said, "I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be FIRST CLASS." The agent replied, "I'm sorry sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these folks first, and I'm sure we'll be able to work something out." The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?" Without hesitating, the agent smiled and grabbed her public address microphone. "May I have your attention please," she began her voice heard clearly throughout the terminal. "We have a passenger here at Gate 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to Gate 14." With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the United agent, gritted his teeth and swore. "F*** you!" Without flinching, she smiled and said, "I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have to get in line for that, too."

And the VERY BEST snappy answer ....

Snappy Answer #6, THE TEACHER Snappy Answer OF THE YEAR

A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!" A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asks, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class does its Best to stifle their laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says, "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand.

[Lance Knight]

very funny dude, u have my luaghter

[Mexi]

Last Day on the Job
It was the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood.

When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift envelope.

At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars.

The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.

At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee.

She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door, and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced.

When he had had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast, eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh squeezed orange juice.

When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee.

As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge. "All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the dollar for?"

"Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you."

He said, "***k him, give him a dollar."

The lady then said, "The breakfast was my idea."

[Ese_Guy]

A man and a friend are playing golf one day. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says: "Wow! That is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You are truly a kind man."

The other man then replies: "Yeah, well, we were married 35 years."

[Lance Knight]

damn that was was awesome ese

[RaulMadrid7]

Here is a short joke someone told me yesterday which I found kinda funny so here it is:

A man walks down the street one day and bumps into someone. The man looks up to see that it is no other than the famous rapper snoop dog. The man asks snoop, "Hey snoop can I have your autograph?" Snoop doesn't reply, then the man gets angry and asks snoop, "Why the hell are you holding an umbrella for?" Snoop replies, "Fo Drizzle".

[Ygor]

If u have any good jokes post them up. Go nuts, clean jokes, dirty jokes.(Hopefully the mods will let it slip since it's for the since of having a good laugh)

Ha Ha Ha :) This my favorit joke. :)

I not understand it very good but it still so funny. :) :confused:

[Milos_]

Ha Ha Ha :) This my favorit joke. :)

I not understand it very good but it still so funny. :) :confused:
LMAO

[RaulMadrid7]

Ha Ha Ha :) This my favorit joke. :)

I not understand it very good but it still so funny. :) :confused:

Now that was a joke. :ronaldo: ;)

[martin_petrov17]

everything that guy says is a joke :p