Soccer Books You'll Never See

[Crazy Canuck]

Lets have some fun

"Respecting Your Opponents"---Roy Keane
"How to Get Your Teammates and coaches to like you"---Nicolas Anelka
"How to build a Championship Team"---Gerrard Houllier
"National Loyalty"----Owen Hargreaves
"Good Diving"---Rivaldo, forward by Francesco Totti



Get the idea. Lets hear some other ideas.

[barça]

"How to referee" by Byron Moreno and Gamal Al Gandhur

"How to kick a penalty in the WC" By Roberto Baggio and Joaquin

"What a foul on me? I never foul anyone" By Fernando Hierro

"Judas, a life" By Figo

"Football for Dummies" By Louis Van Gaal

"How to plunge your team into financial crisis" By Joan Gaspart

[romansky]

"I Only Improve with Age" by Giovanni Trapattoni

"Colour-Blind: Fighting Racism on the Pitch" by Lee Bowyer & Jonathon Woodgate

"Conflict of Interest" by Silvio Berlusconi & Adriano Galliani

"I Earn Every Penny of It" by David & Victoria Beckham

"How FIFA Saved the World" by Sepp Blatter

Nice thread BTW

[barça]

This is too funny. Great idea Crazy Canuck maybe the wrong place for it, we should try to get it changed to Off category soccer forum.

[Juan]

"How to run a football team"- Various authors: Cecchi Gori (who has the biggest chapter), Peter Risdale, Lorenzo Sanz, Joan Gaspart...

[doz]

How To Deal with Your Star Players - Co-witten by Mick McCarthy and Louis van Gaal

[Juan]

"The best offensive tactics" by Gerard Houllier

[barça]

"How to keep away from drugs" Maradona

[Robledo]

"Proud to be an Argentine" - Mauro Camoranesi

[funky6]

''Loyalty in modern football'' Ronaldo
"Barça-Som més Que Un Club" Luis Figo
"I' ve changed the history of European football and feel no guylty at all"Alfredo Di Stefano

Sorry madridistas:D

"101 hAIRCUTS"Beckham
"Philosophy,aliens and football"Johan Cruyff
"The golden Era"Joan Gaspart
''A coach's guide towards media"Louis Van Gaal
"Modesty is the Key"Alex Ferguson

[funky6]

It's the best thread i've seen in my life BTW

[ItalianBoy]

I disagree on the Totti one.

"Its all about Nike"-Ronaldo

"Why do we play?" Lazio.

:D

[Sebi]

"How to win a title" Rainer Calmund (Manager of Bayer Leverkusen)

[soccer fanatic]

"How too take a penalty". Writtten by Dutch NT.
"How too score a beautiful goal". Written by Heskey.
"How too drive a car". By Patrick Kluivert. (Sorry Patrick)
"How too look hot while trying too think". By F and R de Boer.
"How too avoid a dangerous tackle". By Marco van Basten.
"Ten ways too quit chewing gum". By Alex Ferguson.
"Dutch for advanced learners". By Jaap Stam and F and R de Boer.
"Make your club loved by your fans". By "the Ajax organisation".
"Beautiful football is key too succes". By "SC Feyenoord".
"Play like a God". By Pierre van Hooijdonk.
"How too score on the field" By Ronaldo.

Great thread.

[soccer fanatic]

Originally posted by funky6
"Modesty is the Key"Alex Ferguson

:D:D:D

[Atalla]

"learn humility in ten steps" by Romario

"learn how to smile" by vicente Del Bosque

(you guys wanna hear something that will really make you laugh? gamal al Ghandour, referre of the korea-Spain match has a show on the arabic radio and television network (Art) where he criticises referee decisions from the premiership and the bundesliga...........) lol lol lol lol lol lol (I AM NOT MAKING tHIS UP!!!!!!!!!!!)

"women's underwear, a story of love, passion and bruised asses" by David beckham

"avoiding relegation" by Louis van Gaal

"how to be honset" by Parma's Luciano, or Eriberto
hehe

"10 ways to spit on Inter Milan" by Ronaldo

"Avoiding stress" by Luis Fernadez (LOL)

"being a good goalkeeper is not making silly mistakes...this is my career" by David Seaman

"how to stop people from making fun of your family name" by david Seemen (Typo on the book cover) LOL

"how to quit alchohol" by George best (WICKED!!!!!!!!!!!)

and finally:

"learn how to seduce women with your looks" by Ronaldinho
HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH
kick ass thread, you guys

[soccer fanatic]

Atalla, you should consider a career in stand up comedy. :D:D

You are good.

[Atalla]

hey crazy canuck, would you be a fan of wolverine??????

:)

don't be shy, I AM his biggest fan!!!!!!!!!!

"how to stay out of jail or contreversy" by jesus Jil
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
:)
sorry if they are not that funny!!!!!!

[funky6]

Atalla
you guys wanna hear something that will really make you laugh? gamal al Ghandour, referre of the korea-Spain match has a show on the arabic radio and television network (Art) where he criticises referee decisions from the premiership and the bundesliga...........) lol lol lol lol lol lol (I AM NOT MAKING tHIS UP!!!!!!!!!!!)

That's the spookiest thing i've ever heard of.I imagine him with a pen in his hands,dressed in suit analyzing and criticizing.

The end of the world is near.

[soccer fanatic]

"Make something of your career" By Winston Bogarde.

"The club is more important than the individual" By Rivaldo and Louis van Gaal.

[barça]

"How to stay fit an trim" By Ronaldo and Chilavert.

"Score with your hands" Diego Armando Maradona

[soccer fanatic]

"Superiority is a guarantee of winning". "Dutch 1974 NT"

"My life as a perfect rollmodel" By Lee Bowyer.

[Atalla]

ok, i am officially addicted to this thread

here's are a few:

"how to be serious in your life and work" by Paul gascoine

"how to avoid loosing your temper" by Eric Cantona

"how i made love to both betty and Veronica" by Paul Scholes, AKA ARCHIE

hahahahahahahahahah

"how to remain in the defensive position at all times" by roberto carlos

"how to score under pressure" by Christian Vieri
or
"how i scored the goal that took Italy to the quarter finals of the world cup in 2002" by Christian Vieri

"how to mark Ahn" by Paolo Maldini

"how to become a success in the premiership" by Juan Sebastian Veron
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

and most importantly: THIS IS A BOOK YOU WILL SEE, as oPposed to not seeing it:

"how to sneak a pig's head into the Nou Camp, and how to hurl it at figo from a distance" by an anonymous Barca fan
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahah

enjoy

[Atalla]

LOL LOL LOL
funny stuff you guys
and funky 6, that is exactly what he looks like!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

it's freaky.... i watch his show and laugh my ass off.......
the sad thing is that he is actually quite good at finding mistakes, and has the fifa regulation book memorized by heart!!!!!!!!!!

[soccer fanatic]

"I outgrew Sesamy Street" By David Beckham.

[ItalianBoy]

"How I am always there for my team without partiing in Rio" Ronaldo

"I stay calm at all occasions: Edumundo

"I am so cute!" Chadwick

" Sucking at soccer: My mission" Zalayeta.

[soccer fanatic]

"I`m a loser" By Louis van Gaal. :angel:
"How too fight schwalbes" By Fransesco Totti.

[ItalianBoy]

"How to bang in goals!" Lopez

"I like to keep things quiet" Stam

"How to stay Sober" Best, Gasgoigne, and Zlatan.

"Alla ma ha da lalleicn jbnjejbje!" Mido.

[Azerkid]

"10 things to know about hair loss" by Zinadine Zidane

"Troublesome" by Roy Keane

"The Patriot" by Mauro Camoranesi

"Its all in the past" by Patrick Kluivert

"Size Doesn't Matter" by Gianfranco Zola

"Street Fighter" by Stig Tofting

[Atalla]

here are a few more
damn, i can't stop laughing at some of your posts!!!!!!

"how to avoid loosing precious talent" by Houllier

"learn to speak english without the french accent" by Arsene Wenger

"how to tolerate defeat" by the fans of Barcelona

"how i got a pig's head thrown at my grass" by the NOU CAMP
hahahahahah

"being corrupt and getting away with it" by Sepp Blatter

"I do not look like Leonardo di Caprio, and to prove it i grew a beard" by David Beckham

"i do not look like will SMITH" by Patrick Kluivert

hehhehehehehehe

"how to continue to have a great career" by Jari Litamnen
or
"how not to waste your youthful years as a soccer player" by Jai Litmannen
:)

[ItalianBoy]

Tofting looks like a criminal for real.

"How I keep it so consistant" Recoba.

"Quiet Coaching" Cosmi

"its all good" Moggi and Galliani

"whats going on?" Carraro

[Atalla]

it's official, this is the best bloody thread!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hahaha, never has a thread had such a reaction!!!!!!!!

" How to earn a reputation as a pimp" by luis Figo

"how to make your tackles look less horrible" by roy Keane

" how to make the right decsions in moving from club to club" by Pep Guardiola

"stacking up on undeserved rewards and loving it" by ronaldo

"how to beat argentina by playing 11 defenders" by Sven Goran Eriksson

" how to make sure that people don't forget you" by Juninho

"how to Stamp on your opponents privates while the ref isn't looking" by Fransisco de pedro

"avoid ageing" by Alan Shearer

hehehehe

[funky6]

"I am a bloody madridista"Soccer fanatic

[soccer fanatic]

"The better teams always wins" Barca squad.

"Get rid of injuries" AFC Ajax.

"No more excuses" Frank de Boer.

"Coming back from work" Ronaldo.

"Relaxation techniques" Louis van Gaal.

"Running a succesfull work permit policy" KNVB.

"Play without gambles" Gudjohnsson.

[soccer fanatic]

Originally posted by funky6
"I am a bloody madridista"Soccer fanatic


As conform the thread right?
Better ask first before I hit back.

[Atalla]

"how to take credit for refereeing mistakes" by Guus Hiddink

"how to be constructive" by Johan Cruyff

"how to get a ball kicked at you in the leg and faking a head injury" By rivaldo

"how to avoid tumbling into the opponents penalty box" by kleberson (on the day after brazil defeated Turkey)

"how to avoid loosing your starting players to other teams" by terry Venables

[barça]

I think so far, the funniest is Gori and his book on La fiore, as well as the one by David Seaman

Italianboy, I think Ronaldo might write the book on Nike:D

"How I beat England" Marcelo Bielsa

"We didn't pay the ref" By the entire Juve organization

"How we got our money from the goverment" By Florentino Perez

[soccer fanatic]

"Fly over the field" Dennis Bergkamp.

[funky6]

Better ask first before I hit back.

Chill out man:D
Sounds like a political threat or smthing

It was obvious you always liked them:D
lol

[FloZi]

"How to lose weight" Rainer Calmund
"How to be noticed by my national coach" Stefan Klos
"How to show gratitude" Lothar Matthäus
"How to win a game after being a goal down" 1. FC Nürnberg (the last time Nürnberg won a game in the Bundesliga after being a goal down was on August 21, 1998 or 85 games ago)

[Atalla]

"why won't people leave me alone, i am a retired football legend and do not want to be in the limelight" by pele

"dental care" by Ronaldo
or
"why i didn't wear braces when i was younger" by ronaldo

any autobioghraphy by Gespart will do here;

"how to keep your hair smooth, shiny and dread-free" by ruud julitt, Edgar davids and Seedorf

"Ronaldo's wife seduced me" by seedorf

"i am the best looking footballer" by Davids

"i wasn't picked for the James bond role" by Ryan Giggs

" i have soccer skills" by Emile Heskey

[Atalla]

"how to be happy with one role on the pitch" By recoba

"10 steps to becoming an unselfish footballer" By recoba

"how to use your soccer shoes as deadly weapons on Haaland" by roy keane
lol

"skin care" by paul Scholes, aka Freckles

"how to remain beautiful" by ronaldinho

lol lol lol
i love dissing his looks.....

[FloZi]

"How not to be addicted to this thread!" by attala

[Atalla]

Originally posted by FloZi
"How not to be addicted to this thread!" by attala


LMAO
lol lol lol
good one

sorry, it's just cheering me up BIG time

[Sebi]

"It was just a foul" Norbert Siegmann (--> http://www.spitzenkick.de/bilder/kultfussballer/siegmann9.jpg <--)

[soccer fanatic]

Originally posted by funky6
Chill out man:D
Sounds like a political threat or smthing


Not yet... .... ..:evil:
:D:D:D


It was obvious you always liked them:D
lol

I know, couldn`t hide it forever. :)

[Atalla]

"how to turn this thread into an anger management session, Mafia lessons" by Soccer fanatic and funky 6

chill guys!!!!!!!!
this is for the sole purpose of laughter!!!!!!!!!!!

:)
:)
:)

[aruz]

LOL

Awesome thread BTW

[Crazy Canuck]

"I'm a nice guy"---Lee Bowyer
"Whatdayya mean you can't step o him"---Lee Bowyer
"How to almost make the English National Team, then throw it all away and get sold to West Ham"---Lee Bowyer
"How not to get carded"---Lee Bowyer

[Crazy Canuck]

And last but not least, the next bestseller:

"Class, the Way the Game Should be Played"---Lee Bowyer

[Juan]

"We earn a lot of revenue from football!" - Flo Perez

"The best football scout" - Lorenzo Sanz

"The best fitness exercises" - Ronaldo

"A carreer in modeling" - Ronaldinho

"World Cup Glory, My Story" - Sven Goran Erikson

"How to steal the ball cleanly" - Vinny Samways

"Accepting FA Decisions" - Arsene Wenger

and the best of all...

"Football Philosophy" by none other but the great Maldini03!

[Azerkid]

"Choker" by Hakan Sukur

"Beautiful" by Abel Xavier

"Releasing anger on refs" by Joao Pinto

"I don't deserve my wife" by David Beckham and Christian Karambeu

"How to correctly stop a throw in from Markus Allback" by Peter Enckleman

"How to make a team worse" by Berti Vogts

"Soccer 101" by American Samoa NT

"French Foreign Legion" by Arsene Wenger

[soccer fanatic]

Originally posted by Atalla
"how to turn this thread into an anger management session, Mafia lessons" by Soccer fanatic and funky 6

chill guys!!!!!!!!
this is for the sole purpose of laughter!!!!!!!!!!!

:)
:)
:)

"How too recognize a joke" By Atalla.

[ItalianBoy]

"The complete diet for Soccer players" Ronaldo.

"Sex and soccer" Ronaldo

"Is that my baby?" Ronaldo

"Me, Seedorf, and Milene" Ronaldo

"We got to 1/4 in 2002, we are the best team in the world"
USA NT.

"Us too!" Senegal NT

[Juan]

"How To Deal With Computer Game Addiction" - Sports Interactive staff

[gravesends]

"It's not about the money" Ariel Ortega of Fenerbahce

"How to score goals with your feet" Hakan Sukur

"I like to start ilhan Mansiz in important games" Senol Gunes"

"Just not good enough" Besiktas

"We love Panathinaikos" written by Fenerbahce fans :silly:

"How to become an actor in 7 days" Rivaldo


A little Turkish in here :D This really is a good thread :thumbsup:

[Crazy Canuck]

"Good Sportsmanship"---Brazil Women's U-19 NT

[PopA]

"the boyscouts handbook to refereeing" - byron moreno

"Lookin' good" - Michael Reiziger and Abelardo

[funky6]

wELL THE SECOND BOOK WOULD HAVE MANY CO-WRITERS I GUESS.

[funky6]

Excuse my caps!I'm trying to increase my posts here:D

[Atalla]

"how to sign foreign players" by Athletic Bilbao

"how not to overdo a goal celebration" by the italian NT

"looking like a man and loving it" by Nesta and Inzaghi

"how to make the goalpost your best freind" by Juventus

:)

[Atalla]

Originally posted by soccer fanatic
"How too recognize a joke" By Atalla.


lol, wasn't it you who said i should become a stand up comedian??

lol lol
nice one......
"why am i being criticized so much" by Atalla
:(
lol

[Atalla]

"how to take care of your finances" written by Lazio, foreword by Fiorentina

lol lol

[funky6]

Átalla:Word of wisdom-->Never give a damn about what madridistas say!:):)

[funky6]

lollollollollollollollollollolloll:D

btw am i the only one that sees this laugh out loud thing as the horniest thing ever?It's really dirty.

[PopA]

"Mcmanaman: England Indispensible" by Sven Goran Eriksson

"Home cooking - The taste of samba" - By Juninho (out for 9 months)

"10 things I hate about Juve and milan" by Francesco Sensi

[Atalla]

Originally posted by funky6
lollollollollollollollollollolloll:D

btw am i the only one that sees this laugh out loud thing as the horniest thing ever?It's really dirty.


i seriously think that it's only you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

that is JUST SICK man!!!!!!!!!

:)

"how to avoid being a pervert" by funky 6!!!!!!!!!!

lol
cheers

[Atalla]

"10 steps to reamin sane" by eric Cantona

"how i guaranteed my call up to the National team" by eric Cantona

"how to kick a human head as well as a ball" by Eric Cantona

"a good goalkeeper never makes mistakes" by Jerzy Dudek

"how to avoid violence on the pitch" by Roy Keane

and this is a book you will see:

"how to sneak a motorbike into the san siro and hurl it from a distance" by an anonymous Inter fan..........


lol we throw pig's heads, they toss bikes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
lol

"how to tolerate your teams performance" by the same anonymous Inter fan

"how to forgive figo" by the anonymous Barca fan who tossed a pig's head at him........
LOL

[soccer fanatic]

Originally posted by Atalla
lol, wasn't it you who said i should become a stand up comedian??
lol

Never said you wouldn`t need any training... ..... ...... ......

[InTeR_FaNaTiC]

"how to celebrate after scoring a tap-in" - F.Inaghi :rolleyes:

"How to screw two chicks and still be considered the best player of the year !" - Ronaldo

"How the Government saved our ass" - Lazio

"How to suck in Serie A" - Rivaldo

:thumbsup: for this thread

[Juan]

"Catch the ball and hold it" - Tito Bonano, introduction by Dida

"Things I hate about football management" - Guy Roux

[FloZi]

Originally posted by Juan
"Catch the ball and hold it" - Tito Bonano, introduction by Dida


Was it Bonano or Burgos who had that horrible fumble last weekend where he let the ball through his armpits while on the ground and then (almost?) pushed it over the line while trying to retrieve it?

[InTeR_FaNaTiC]

"How to waste a Scudetto on your team and not get KILLED" - Vratislav Fu*kin Gresko :mad:

[PopA]

"championship coaching" by Hector Raul Cuper
:D

[Atalla]

"i am a natural born winner" by Hector Cuper

"intelligence, integrity, and intensity" the korean NT, foreword by ghamal al ghandour, and byron moreno

"how i control victoria" by david Beckham.......... edited by victoria beckham.....

lol

[FloZi]

Originally posted by Atalla


"how i control victoria" by david Beckham.......... edited by victoria beckham.....


Awesome, the same would have been true of Häßler, Illgner and Effenberg in older days

[kenodoki]

"I did not see the incident: How to avoid disciplining your players" Arsene Wenger

"Live the dream! How to get Champions league football for for only £60 Million" Peter Ridsdale

"Staying on your feet" Emille Heskey

"Now wash your hands: Toilet hygene in 10 easy steps" Robbie Savage

"Winning the World Cup: How not to do it" Marcelo Bielsa

[Crazy Canuck]

"Australia..How to get an easy victory"----Sven Goran Eriksson

[Azerkid]

"The Luck of the Azeri" by Gurban Gurbanov

[Eyal Berkovic]

Bungs and football - Terry Venables and George Graham

How to win a penalty at Old Trafford - Referees association

Become a commentater - Paul Gascoigne

The Beautiful game - George Graham

Taking a bribe - Bruce Grobbelar

Greed and football - Ken Bates

[Olesen10]

"How to play beautiful football and still manage to win the WC" - By the German NT

"Well, I've still got my good looks" - By Louis van Gaal

"How to get a good looking haricut" - By Ronaldo

"My OWN Opinion" - By Johan Cruyff

"How to use doping without any consequenses" - By Jaap Stam and Edgar Davids

"Why is everybody picking at me?" - By Ronaldo

"Cry for me Argentina" - By Diego Maradona

Nice thread!

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